I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
