I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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