I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
