I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
