Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
