How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
