The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize