Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And then my night got REAL pukey
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wear drunk well.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
