best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
