I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My ATM looks so different sober.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
