wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
