I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
