i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
