There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
