ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
