I cockslap morals
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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