im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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