haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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