I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
