just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So squirting runs in the family.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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