Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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