matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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