I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
