she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
