it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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