just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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