someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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