That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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