She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
