sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
