i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
