so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
