Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize