I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
