Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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