i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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