ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize