Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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