It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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