I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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