Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
