why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
