So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
