I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
