That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
