I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
4 words: hood of his car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
