Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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