no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
