I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
