I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
