A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
