I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
