dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
