I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
