What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
