Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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