why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
