she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
