It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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