Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
