the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
