I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
