Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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