I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
