Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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