A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
