On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
