i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
