Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
