I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
