You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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