So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
