everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am naked and annoyed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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