i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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