did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
