its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My pussy is not your playground.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
