TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
