those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
