dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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