just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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