Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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