her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
