I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
