ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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