Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
