DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
