Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
