i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
