Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
