the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
