fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
