have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
