dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
