Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize